After the little shift –
I wrote this post weeks ago but wasn’t able, willing, or maybe ready to post it. I wonder now as I write if it’s because I needed to be in the place I am at this evening. A place of struggling with this shift, struggling with knowing what the right thing to do is. I have shifted multiple times over the past few days and kept stalling out and falling into a negative spiral of thoughts. It seems counterintuitive to write about the steps I take in moving away from this spiral when I’m actually in the midst of it, but maybe that’s the point. Also, this is a follow-up post to a previous one because a friend asked me what I do after taking a small shift away from a situation causing us negativity.
The small shift I talked about was to shift away from a situation triggering a negative thought pattern or habitual thought pattern that isn’t helpful. This shift can be stepping outside or driving to a coffee shop. Whatever it needs to be to bring the thought pattern to a stop. To give you a pause. To in turn give you awareness of your reaction or thinking.
Next (ideally to be used during the situation), requires figuring out a new thought or reaction to put into place of the negative thinking that arose. For me, it is tied to shifting away from old thinking patterns. On a deeper level, it’s about changing your identity – how you see yourself.
I’ll share a work example. So many times in the past, and still today to a lesser extent, I have had the thought that I’m an idiot because I couldn’t figure something out on my own or felt the help I received was indicating I was an idiot. The first time I put the small shift into practice was after a meeting where I heard the same thing multiple times and in words that included, it’s easy, how do you not know this, it’s in last year’s workpapers (but without reference), etc. It would make me so angry and then I would feel stupid. Now, because of consciously stopping and shifting away from the situation I can focus on the words and reactions I want to have in place of the anger and feelings of stupidity. I have become so aware of my thoughts and feelings in this situation, I am able to tell myself to simply listen to the feedback and let the conversation come to an end. However, if I get angry or triggered, I will hold my tongue and when the conversation is done, I’ll leave my office. The words I have in place now are words to remind me I’m talented and good at my job, that I will always have questions and always have things to learn. It’s growth. Other things to ingrain these thoughts into my being include reminding myself of them when I’m riding my bike in the morning, even phrases like I’m f’ing awesome at my job are helpful, as well as what if I can actually make things better and clearer for the person who needs to follow my work in the next year. They’re different and trigger your brain to say, oh yeah, that’s right, and I laugh. It brings positive feeling to the thought and our brain then wants to find more of that.
I have been working on shifting my identity for over a year. I worked on shifting from instant reaction, overreacting, and worrying to pausing. I’m doing it, but there are setbacks, like the past few days, and situations arising that smack me in the face and make me see areas I have a possibly a long way to go in. But these stops or pauses, have shown me that I am catching myself and often refrain from speaking in an old harmful or reacting by habit. The small shifts gave me time to be aware and begin breaking old negative thought patterns.
This process, admittedly, is time consuming and takes daily practice, hence the fall back I ran into. But I’ve been thinking certain patterns for decades. A couple of months will bring a big change, but it will take more time to ingrain it.
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